20 going on 84?

11:50 pm on Thursday night: I'm running to catch the train into the city. With much thanks to my lovely room mate, my suitcase full of power tools and I caught the 11:52 train by the skin of my teeth. It had been so long since I had been in the city that I was a bit anxious. Much of that anxiety was because I was traveling though.

Now, I don't know if you've ever tried to navigate your way through the big bad streets of New York by yourself with luggage, but it's not fun. Christmas break of freshman year there was a HUGE blizzard and everything was hectic, and I was lugging my suitcase, my bookbag, my violin, and my purse. Some very kind and annoyed people helped me carry my suitcase up and down the stairs in Penn.) Thankfully, Thursday night wasn't so bad. It only took me a few minutes to find the stairway out of Penn that would point me to the Megabus stop, which was much closer than I anticipated.

I sat on my luggage and admired the city while waiting for my 1:30am bus to pull up. I remember being in high school and thinking I could live in New York forever. I loved it. I loved the energy. Most of all, I've come to realize that I loved the anonymity of it. You can walk through New York for days without ever so much as making eye contact with anyone. As I contemplated the skyscrapers and the light pollution, I realized I don't want this anymore. I don't want to be anonymous. What used to excite me now overwhelms me. The city is loud. It's bright and it kind of smells funky.

I'm a little disappointed. I'm so close, finally, so close to the city. I'm so close to everything I had wanted and now I don't want it anymore. What gives? Story of my life.

Teachers and adults always told me I was a mature child. Old for my age, I guess. Looking back, I went through all the typical phases, but I seemed to have gone through them before everyone else. Maybe I just got over them faster. In sixth grade I remember wanting to wear tripp pants and dye my hair green. However, I knew this would upset my mother and I had no money of my own to buy these things. By the time I was in junior high and high school I had the means but had lost the desire. At this point I wanted to go out. I wanted to dance and party. I was too young to get in anywhere and no means of transportation. Freshman year of college I had freedom but I was over the party scene. I wasn't really interested anymore. Now, I'm a junior in college. What do I want to do now? Now, I want to pay my own bills. I want a real job. I want to not live paycheck to paycheck. I want to support myself and live a steady life with my crafts. I want to cook and decorate and do yoga. When I talk about what I do in my free time, I sound more like a soccer mom than a college kid. I'm not even old enough to drink and I'm over it. WTF? Sometimes I feel gipped out of my phases.

Regardless, I'm somehow ok with this. It's funny that I've spent the last couple of months trying to figure what my style is and what I like, but I've kind of known all along.

Hurricanes 2.0

Hurricane Irene. It's coming. Apparently, it's the first real hurricane to hit the east coast in decades. Chaos ensues.

Alrighty. They say that Long Island will lose power, and Manhattan is in the process of evacuating. Someone told me today that they might evacuate all of Long Island. I think people are overreacting just a bit. However, I definitely think certain precautions should be taken.

One of my roommates and I are both going home for the weekend. I had been planning on it all month, not because of the hurricane. Regardless, I think it's a good idea. We're college kids. We're still kids. I don't know how much I want to deal with being stranded in the apartment alone without anyone with a stable income. Sounds weird right? We just went food shopping yesterday morning. One of my roommates is planning on staying here with a friend of hers. They're both very go-with-the-flow kind of people. That's great! However, we expressed some concern about them staying here. If we lose power they have no water, no way of cooking food, no toilet, and no place to store food (no power=no fridge). This last part can even translate to no food. We're running low on non-perishables. They insist they'll be fine. They can go days without eating. ...Alright.... Oh well!

I'm hoping to beat the storm and to not have to drive back in it. Wish me luck!

Just another Saturday night

Freshman year I took an education class with a fantastic professor. He had a way of getting all (ok, most) of his student to actually read the material and care about the class. However, during the last class of the week, every week, he always made the same joke: some crack about getting drunk and drinking beer. I get it. We're college kids. Stereotypically, it's assumed that we drink a lot of beer and party as often as possible.

I would consider today pretty damn near perfect. Want to know what I did on this glorious Saturday evening? No, I did not go bar hopping or go to a club or even go on a date. After work this morning, I came home, ate some cucumber salad, and watched Tangled. I may have even shed a tear (I'm not your typical movie crier. I have never before cried because of a movie). Sounds pathetic, right? Well, if that's your attitude you can shove off. It was blissful.

I was so stressed out after work this morning. I just can't shake how long and stressful and, frankly, terrible last semester was. When I think of going back to school I can feel a knot form in my chest fighting to strangle my heart. I hate that school has come to symbolize drama and unhappiness. I didn't want to want to graduate college. After all, everyone says college is the best time of your life. They say that you have no worries or responsibilities during your college years.

Who the hell are these people? Maybe they can tell me what I'm doing wrong. College is stressful. It entails a rather unpleasant conversation, dare I say argument, every single semester about where tuition money will come from. It means worrying about whether I have enough time to pick up another job with my loaded class schedule. Now, it means I need to pay rent. Most importantly, college means learning to remain professional despite whatever happens.

Yes, I realize that no one is perfect and that it's absurd to expect perfection. However, I'm in college to prepare for the big and scary "real world." Call me naive, but I believe that by the time one enters this mythological land he should be capable of acting maturely. That means discussing problems in a reasonable and logical fashion, taking responsibility for one's own faults and mistakes, and understanding that one never actually "grows up." Now, I'm not saying I'm perfect or even good at doing any of this, but I'm trying.

Groceries?

In case you haven't noticed, I love food. I'm a foodie. I completely believe that eating well and getting enough sleep can help you avoid and/or cure almost any ailment. That being said, yes, I do believe in a good doctor.

Here's a list of the current contents of my fridge and pantry:

3 jars of peanut butter

1.5 boxes uncooked brown rice

1 box of Special K cereal (approximate total of various boxes and kinds)

tortilla chips

"popped" chips

loaf of multi-grain bread

2 cans of soup

1 can red kidney beans

brown sugar

pretzels

tomato paste & crushed tomatoes (for sauce when we finally get a pot)

maple syrup

4 boxes pasta

assorted teas

hot chocolate

Pillsbury cinnamon swirl bread mix

apple crisp mix (how old is that?)

tuna

honey

100 calorie almond packs

olive oil and balsamic vinegar

sugar

2 large broccoli

spinach

milk

almond milk

orange juice

cottage cheese

eggs

pickles

various yogurts

cooked brown rice

leftover broccoli and potatoes

3 cucumbers

2 tomatoes

fake sauce

bbq sauce, italian dressing

butter

mayo

waffles

ice cream sandwiches

2 bananas

Ok this isn't as bad as I thought. I can cook up some spinach and beans. (Great with some good bread!) Then, I can attempt a cucumber salad. I have no idea what that would entail, but those are going to go bad soon. I should also do something with the bananas; they're in sad shape.

The wonders of eggplant

Let me start by trying to express how much I love eggplant. It really is a mighty veggie. It's good for you. It's the perfect way to beef up any vegetarian meal. It's a lovely shade of purple. Anyways, I like eggplant. About two weeks ago we bought and eggplant and tonight we finished it off.

Things made with the eggplant thus far:

Stir Fry Thing:

Chopped eggplant, halved cherry tomatoes, salt, pepper, and garlic (to taste) all combined in a frying pan with a bit of olive oil and some balsamic vinegar. Fry/cook. Serve with grated cheese of your choice (I used that fake parmesan because we had it) and bread. Enjoy. I recommend adding in some fresh garlic and frying it up with that, but, alas, we had none.

Eggplant & Tomato Layers:

Thinly slice eggplant and tomatoes (enough to layer your casserole dish). Alternate layers of eggplant and tomato and drizzle each layer with olive oil, salt, pepper, garlic powder, and parmesan cheese. (Are you starting to realize that I have limited ingredients, yet?) Bake at 350 until cheese forms a crust and eggplant is soft. Enjoy.

Eggplant Alive (Inspired by Life Alive in downtown Lowell - look it up!):

Fry chopped eggplant and chopped red onion in a pan with salt, pepper, garlic, some olive oil, and some balsamic vinegar until eggplant is soft and onion is browned.

Chop one red apple, one red and one green pepper, diced tomato, combine with eggplant in baking dish and bake at 350 until all is cooked (apple is soft).

Microwave a handful of kale (remove the stems first!)

Combine all and serve over rice with cheese of your choice and some salsa. (I love salsa)

Let me edit my former statement: I really like eggplant and tomatoes and have very few options in my fridge. Regardless, it's delicious.

Solutions are on the horizon!

Guess who finally got around to practicing? That's right, me! It wasn't anything super intense, but it was something. My intentions were simply to get back into the swing of things without the pain. It's safe to say that I'm making progress there. At the end of the day, I find that my voice is a bit tired. That's to be expected when one doesn't get quite enough sleep and is still mildly stressed continuously. I've really got to do something about that.

Anyways! My practice session really only consisted of some warm ups: lip trills, do-sol, etc. It was all pretty light and I carefully eased into it. It was chill and relaxing and everything that singing should be. All in all, it was a step in the right direction, and I plan to keep walking.

I wanna sing with blood and guts

For those of my fictional readers that don't know, I'm a music education major with a concentration in voice. In other words, I sing a lot. I need to sing in order to graduate.

Enter my dilemma: all of a sudden it hurts to sing. It started last semester and was devastating for me. The entirety of last school year was extremely stressful between classes, and family, and friends, and the explosion that was my life. Then add in the pressure of preparing for and auditioning for a recital, also know as the cherry on top. The more stressed I became about the audition, the more I practiced. However, fifteen minutes into any practice session and I'd find my voice exhausted and sore, and I'd cry. Every time. Without fail. (And I'm not much of a crier.)

Why was this suddenly happening? I'd never had issues with pain when singing. It had always come relatively naturally to me. Why was professional training wreaking such havoc? It just didn't make sense. I was positive I was doing something wrong, but I couldn't figure out what that was. I talked to my voice teacher, but she couldn't help much either. I couldn't quite communicate my problem, so she couldn't quite understand it (makes sense because neither could I).

Over summer break, I didn't sing much. The most singing I partook in was along with the radio. Even worse, I would often wander about the house while others were at work and belt. Now, belting is fine when done correctly. I can belt correctly, but I wasn't. I wanted to push my belt higher and wasn't doing it correctly. I'm fairly certain I caused more damage, but I'm hopeful that it can be corrected with some rest.

I experienced one glorious weekend of singing at the end of July when my sister and I went to the Newport Folk Fest (AWESOME!). I remembered what my voice sounds like when I sing for the simple joy of singing. I remembered that singing is fun. I realized what suits my voice. Guess what, that's not super belting (the term for belting really high, think Idina Menzel). I can belt like most girls can belt, up to about a D. Nothing awe-inspiring, but nothing to laugh at. I am finally embracing my voice instead of trying to make it sound like what I think others want it to be.

On Thursday night, Katy came over and we got to talking about my dilemma. She asked me one simple question, "Have you been stressed?" YES. I couldn't believe my stupidity. She reminded me that when you're stressed you tense muscles and may not realize it. Thus, creating unwanted tension when singing causing pain. Time for some stress management!

Flash forward to today. I sit on my couch at 1:03 AM and think I should go to bed and start my newfound appreciation for my voice and body by treating it better.

Forbidden Fruit

"As I sip my glass of skim milk, I contemplate..." (Compliments of Alison Phillips)

1 chopped apple

1 chopped pear

tsp cocoa powder

1/2 tsp brown sugar

coconut milk

Combine dry ingredients in a casserole dish. Pour coconut milk over fruit (enough to coat the fruit). Bake at 350 degrees for 10-20 minutes (until fruit is soft).

Home Sweet Home

After four full days and one lazy morning in the new apartment, I'm proud to say that most of my clothes are unpacked and untouched boxes STILL litter the floor. Moreover, there are now dishes in the sink (after all, we are college kids).

Despite the slow start and my busy schedule, I'm determined to make this place adorable and, more importantly, home. I've got some plans. For example, I plan on getting myself some spray paint and painting my white outdoor table my grandparents gave me (maybe a blue) as well as reupholstering the chairs (that nasty vinyl sh*t is not so comfortable). I also want to make some curtains, something light and breezy, find a couch cover, and paint my second hand bookshelf.

Did I mention I need to do all of this for little to no money? Well, I do. With the mounting tuition bills, now coupled with rent, I'm on a tight budget.